My New Characters Won’t Stop Having Really F***ing Random Conversations…

“Don’t worry, Pig is our friend.”

“Is she?”

“Of course.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Well, what makes you think she isn’t?”

“Well, what makes you think she is?” Lore insists. “A talking pig shows up and you just assume she’s here to help? Couldn’t she just as easily be a nefarious pig?”

“A nefarious pig!” Sage scoffs. “Don’t be silly. Who’s ever heard of a nefarious talking pig.”

***

‘The big wigs all think I’m useless, but I’m also symbolic, so I think they’d be pretty pissed if anything dire happened to me. I’m the baby of my… paramilitary organization.’ Lore’s expression must be blank because she tries to clarify. ‘I’m only 105 years old.’

Lore opens and closes her mouth a few times before she manages to echo, incredulous, ‘You’re 105 years old?’

Sage grins. ‘I know. It’s shocking, isn’t it?’

Lore nods. ‘It really is.’

‘Easy mistake to make,’ Sage assures her. ‘I act very mature for my age.’

‘You look damn good for 105.’

‘Do I?’

Lore licks her lips before she answers. ‘Yeah.’

***

“Mouse!”

“Excuse you,” Sage mutters indignantly. “It is not a mouse, it is a vole. And observe, please, that it is red. It is a red vole. A Red Tree Vole, if you’d like to be precise. Truly, the lack of education is astounding.”

“Excuse me,” Loretta mocks, “a vole. There’s a vole in your pocket. What in the hell is a vole doing in your pocket? While you work in food service no less.”

“Red’s not bothering anything. He’s taking a nap. What do you have against Red taking a nap in my pocket while I work?”

“You named your red tree vole ‘Red’,” Loretta drawls.

“What, you think it should be something fancier? Burgundy, Merlot, Vermillion?” Sage scoffs. “He likes Red. We’re not fancy folks around here, okay?”

“You sell $5 lattes!”

Sage purses her lips, but admits, “Fair point. We’re a little fancy.” She seems to think about it for another moment before amending, “We’re professionally fancy. We’re personally simple.”

“Thank God we’ve cleared that up.”

“Agreed. Precision is important.”